A rule for love… (wanting vs needing)

You must put yourself on a pedestal first before you put anything or anyone else up there.  It’s a mistake I’ve made in the past.148a4dc228f31d1b8fe4be0114d6bc50

It’s not that you should never rely on someone to respect, love, and honor you; but it’s about relying on yourself first.  Giving yourself all that first before you expect it from anyone else.  You shouldn’t ever need it from anyone else.

Needing is what creates dependence, blindness to reality, weakness in mind and emotion.

Wanting another’s love to supplement the worthiness that you give yourself has the ability to be a beautiful thing.  Something like that can flourish because there is no needy black hole sucking the life out of another.  Wanting is a natural human desire, while needing is born out of ego and unattentiveness to self.

It’s about knowing that when you give yourself love and respect, if the other person ends up failing to do so one day it’ll ultimately be ok, because you can keep generating it for yourself.

It’s completely alright to enjoy and cherish everything you have in the moment, but also to not lean on these wonderful things like a crutch that you cannot stand without.  Appreciate them greatly but don’t make them who you are.

But it’s not about being so big that you cannot be broken.  It’s about knowing the risk and taking it anyway because you know that trying it out and doing your best is better than living a life of playing it cold, boring, safe, and never knowing.

It’s normal to feel pain when there’s friction or when something comes to an end.  It’s normal to feel emotional, needy, mournful.  It’s what love is about.

Everything is in flux.  Such is love, such is life.

So it’s never about being bulletproof.

But it’s about acknowledging regeneration.  Understanding that things going other than wished is normal.  Knowing that with the right mindfulness and personal kindness, life will again lead to something just as beautiful.

It’s about being responsible for yourself and loving for yourself.

Enjoy who they are and be proud of them but don’t make them who you are.  Allow them to fuel you. Allow them inspire you to make you feel about yourself the way you feel about them. Notice how it ultimately comes down to your feelings about yourself.  The better you feel about you, the better you can be for them.

The same goes for beloved objects.  Enjoy and be proud of your Ferrari (metaphorical or real)  but don’t confuse it with who you really are.  You’re a person.  It’s a beautiful machine.  It doesn’t make you attractive and rich, it’s just there for you to appreciate.

Don’t rely on it to build you up and make you feel like a million bucks.  It’s up to you to live up to your own standards.  Make sure that you feel like a million bucks with or without it, and then you know you’re genuine.

That is a real person.

What is the difference between a person who feels like a million bucks without a Ferrari, versus the person who can only feel that with with a Ferrari?  The person who doesn’t need the Ferrari is the one who will enjoy it to the fullest and will remember the experience fondly even after the car is no longer in their possession.  The person who needs the Ferrari will feel everything they’ve been craving to feel about themselves once they get the car, but then will fret about their importance, create drama about their significance, and then feel like they lost it all when they no longer have the car.

The former has strength and resilience, while the later is weak with dependence.

So before you yearn for the person or thing that you think will make you the person you want to be, realize that whatever you think you may momentarily gain, you’re still you.  This is why people become so devastated upon losing something.  They think that whatever they had made them who they were.

Love is great, but make sure you’re wanting it for the right reasons instead of looking for something to complete you.  Once you come from a place of self love, you will be all the more lovable and life will be twice as amazing.


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