What you will learn:
What real badassery is
Life zombies vs Life Ninjas
4 requirements to live a more badass life
Hey everyone! Welcome to podcast #3. I realized that I never fully got a chance to really talk about the basics of what I mean when I say I teach you how to be more badass for your life, so that is exactly what I want to get into today.
When I was a little girl, I was into pretending to be a dinosaur or a ninja… or maybe I was a princess — but I would be a warrior princess going on cool adventures and saving the world from evil. So from a young age, I was drawn to the more active, strong, adventurous, get-things-done approach to things; but I never used to think of myself in that way in real life. First of all, I’m petite, I like staying active and in shape, but I’m definitely not particularly athletic or going out and rock climbing and doing impressive shit. I … like to read. I like to go online. I like deep conversations with friends. I like doing creative stuff. OK? So let’s just get that all out of the way!
I wanted to be able to be strong and adventurous and hold my own in a world that can be intimidating and scary. I thought I needed to be more physically imposing or more thrill-seeking, or extroverted all the time, and so on. But then one day I thought: “What does any of that have to do with tackling my best life?” Then I realized:
Approaching life like a badass has nothing to do with your size, your type of skills, or what kind of lifestyle you choose to live.
So when we think of the ultimate badass type of persona, we usually think of someone who can do really tough things in a skillful and extraordinary manner. It’s like the chicks in the movies who are kicking ass while riding motorcycles through flames, and dodging bullets while jumping from roof to roof.
And that’s an exaggerated way of portraying it, but yes – that really is exactly what I mean as far as a metaphor for the skill and intensity in which you live your life.
To put it in more everyday terms – it’s about kicking ass in your life — you showing up in a way that means business to every situation, and not backing down when things are getting intense. You don’t let life get the best of you and what you truly want. If something is trying to wear you down, you rise up for it. You don’t allow it to turn you into someone you don’t want to be, you create yourself for it. You are in control of yourself and the way you live, no matter what life tries to throw at you.
And so I realized, that is what I like to do. I like to be aggressive towards the life and the experience I truly want. Not in an overpowering, violent, manipulative sort of way; but in a determined, strong, resilient, “hell yeah, I’m going to DO this!” Kind of way. I always will decide how I want to approach my life and the kind of person I want to become FOR my life.
So that’s what it really is — real badassery is about having full creative control over yourself and your life. That means you’re consciously choosing how you want to think, feel, and act in each moment.
Real badassery isn’t about relying on trying to control others, or the situation at hand. It isn’t about blaming other people and things for “making” you act a certain way.
Sometimes it may seem like people who blame and try to control others are empowered in some way. But in reality, if you think about it, they are very much out of control, because no one can have full control over anyone or anything.
So once something slips, once someone isn’t behaving the way they want them to behave — they lose it! They can’t handle it. They throw fits, they suffer, they struggle to get everything back under their control, which is impossible. So in reality, they are out of control. Because they’re not taking responsibility over the one thing they have control over — themselves!
So all those people who walk around trying to manipulate others, or are trying to get things to make themselves feel good, or need and require certain people or things around them — they are NOT in CONTROL. When things are working out for them, they may seem fine. But once something slips — and it definitely will — they will fall apart.
So. Being badass is about owning yourself and choosing who you show up as, instead of relying on the world and everyone else to create your ideal experience for you.
The people who are trying to have outside control — they are like zombies walking around and chasing everyone else around them for sustenance. Day in and day out. They never stop to look at what they’re doing. They just chase. They allow the world and people to affect them. They believe that what they most want is out there, and they stagger after it every day. They don’t stop to change anything about themselves.
Ok. So if those are the life zombies; in contrast, the life ninjas are the ones who are analyzing, adapting, doing things differently, using skill and flexibility and changing things up. They aren’t bashing themselves up against an obstacle and groaning about how difficult it is to get what they want. Instead they are looking at the obstacle and figuring out how they can approach it differently. They are drawing up a whole strategy of how they can maneuver above it or around it. They are in their headquarters making a plan of attack of how they can make it work for them and their personal growth. They have patience. They have cunning. They have power because they are thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for themselves, rather than reacting blindly to the world around them.
So that’s basically it: Zombies blindly react and resist making change, while ninjas take the responsibility into their own hands and create the change they really want, like a boss.
So THAT is what real badassery IS!
It’s not about chasing some perfect life. It’s not about being perfect. It’s not about never having negative emotions or a hard day.
And it’s so not badass to rage endlessly, or have a never-ending pity party, or sweep things under the rug and pretend that everything is ok.
In fact it’s all about saying “bring it on”, to those negative emotions and difficult days. It’s saying “try me,”. It’s about showing up to your life pumped and prepared and ready to kick some ass.
It’s about taking the inevitable shit that is going to be thrown your way despite your best intentions, and then taking full responsibility over how you act in the face of it.
It’s about realizing that you have so much more power than popular culture wants us to think. We are expected to think that self-worth and happiness is found in buying that flashy new thing. It’s easy to convince us to think that life should look like all the advertisements we see, and that our relationships should always look like a movie and feel like a pop-song. It’s very common to keep worrying about what other people think about us, and thinking that we need to acquire more to feel better about ourselves.
NO! And this isn’t about saying that our pop-culture is bad. It’s about being smart enough to recognize when these expectations are not serving you.
It’s about being bold enough to make your own rules (please see podcast #2 to hear all about making our own rules!), and being enough of a ninja to bust out of the mental traps and try new things and new perspectives.
So that’s the first requirement of living life like a badass: Change!
You have to embrace, welcome, and look forward to change. Understand that change IS the only constant, the only 100% for sure thing in life. The more you fight it and deny it and push against it, the more it’s going to kick your ass! So many people don’t realize this. You have to be — like Bruce Lee said, “be like water, my friend”. Water can crash up against the rocks and splatter everywhere and make a mess, or it can flow smoothly around the rocks, over the rocks, in and out of obstacles. If poured into a cup, it becomes the cup. If poured into a bottle, it becomes the bottle. It adapts itself to whatever is happening at the time, and it then eventually it’s on to the next shape and form. Life is going to change! For certain! And we all know what we need to work on, what we need to change up for ourselves in order to grow. The zombie way is to keep trying to do the same old thing, moaning and groaning and flailing around and bashing against any obstacles. You gotta flow. You gotta be fluid, flexible, adaptable. Accept that change is a part of life, and it is imperative to find a way to get excited about it. Your life is a book, and no one wants to read a book that has no change, no surprises, and no excitement! Make sure you’re willing to start brand new chapters in your book. Because in the end, it’s your book, your story that you own, so make sure it’s a good and enticing one.
The second requirement of living a badass life is: Cleaning up your own bullshit.
No matter what it may look like, no one has a perfect life. We all have problems, we all have pet peeves and hang-ups and things that we get very down ourselves about. We all have to face our own inner demons. The truth is, we’re always going to have negative thoughts about ourselves and our abilities. We’re always going to have things we wish were different. We can’t change that.
But we can clean it up and keep it to a minimum. And this is an everyday daily thing! It’s like housekeeping. You have to keep it up on the regular if you want your house to always be clean. The exact same thing goes for our minds. We need to clean up all the messy thoughts that aren’t helping us get anywhere!
Yesterday, I was in the middle of doing something, and I noticed a familiar thought creep in. The moment I began thinking about it, I felt chest sink. I could feel myself at the brink of the familiar whirlpool of poop that would just suck me down into negative “what if’s?” and further pathetic thinking about myself. And I usually would go all the way there. I thought it was for my own good. But yesterday I had to immediately stand up and draw a line. I remember thinking, “No, I don’t want to go there. I want to feel good about myself. Nothing good will come from going down that path.” Thinking about it and mulling over it wasn’t going to fix it. And I knew that. But it’s still so easy to go there. To just be a zombie and go in there.
But no. I choose how I create my mindset. And so I made an effort to clean up my thinking, and it stopped! Value yourself, respect yourself by making a choice to work on your mindset and what you choose to believe about yourself.
The third requirement is: Asking yourself who you want to be.
Zombies like to say, “What do you mean who I want to be? I am myself. I don’t want to be someone else. This is how I am.”
Ok, but here’s how I like to explain it:
Think of yourself as an archeological dig site. There’s an area with a whole bunch of dirt, and underneath it are things buried in it. You don’t know what’s all in there, but as you go about your life, you dig in and learn and find some things. Like, ok cool here’s a pot, here’s a vase… oh wow there’s a whole house buried in here! Here’s some beautiful sculptures, and so on. It’s exciting while discovering these things, but then we tend to hit a point in our lives where we think we’ve discovered everything on our site. Maybe as we dig deeper we hit some rocks and it gets harder to excavate. So we think “Hm, that must be it. This is all I am.”
Ok, so… SO!… What if there is so much more to be discovered, and we just don’t know because we haven’t tried harder to find out?
What if there’s even bigger, more beautiful, enormous sculptures…what if there’s a whole temple, a whole palace of treasure deep inside? Can you imagine? What if all of that is still down there, and we’re up here sitting on our dig site with our pottery and our little trinkets thinking “oh yeah, this is all I am”?
So that is what I mean. We are supposed to keep growing, keep bettering ourselves, keep discovering new amazing sides to ourselves — if we want to take the time and effort to dig deep. If you’re absolutely 100% content with who you are, amazing! But if you want to experience more within your life, you have to ask the question.
Who do you want to be? Who could I possibly be? And I mean — who could you possibly really be? What if the best version of yourself is still down there, just covered up, waiting for you to discover it and tap into it? If you want improvement, growth, to become a better version of you — that means that there is still more to be awakened. So you must realize that you are not some finished product. You can always pick and choose how much more you want, and what kind of person you want to be in your life.
Finally, the fourth requirement is: Taking care of your own business.
And I mean your own personal business. Like I said, zombies are always all up in other people’s business, trying to get validation and attention and worth from other people and things. They care way too much about what others are thinking and saying about them. They care way too much how others act towards them. They are so easily affected by everything, and they waste their entire life expending their time and energy this way!
That is not a way to live a good life.
Guys, people are going to do what they’re doing to do, ok? We can tell them that we’d prefer them to act a different way, but at the end of the day, they’re gonna do what they’re gonna do. Just like how we hate it when people are leaning over us, trying to tell us how we “should” be; we need to recognize when we’re doing the same thing without any upside.
Sometimes people will not understand where we’re coming from. Sometimes they will say things and behave in ways that we don’t like. But we need to respect their choices. If they’re grown adults, we need to let them just do their thing.
If you don’t like how they’re acting, you make a change. And don’t just mind your own business — OWN your own business. You decide how you want to take care of yourself, how you want to interpret what happens to do and what people say. You decide how much you want other people to affect you.
You decide how much you want other people to affect you! At the end of the day, what you choose to think and feel about yourself is up to YOU.
It’s no one else’s job to validate you, to give you worth and trust and respect. You need to give that to yourself first.
And it’s not your job to tell them how they should behave and how they should live their lives.
You need to give the majority of your focus on YOU and owning how YOU live YOUR life.
Notice that the people who are the most all up in the business of other people’s lives, are the ones who aren’t living their own most fulfilling and engaging life. They’re the people who aren’t taking care of their own business!
So step out of what so-and-so is doing, or what someone is saying or might be thinking. Unless they’re physically attacking you, they’re not forcing you to do or feel anything if you don’t want to. And step out of what may or may not happen, because that is the universe’s business.
So OWN your own business first. Be so caught up, so energized, so into living your own life, that what everyone else may or may not be doing doesn’t really matter all that much. You need to do this for you. Put your time and energy back into what really matters — YOU.
Ok! So remember, it’s about: Change, Cleaning up your own mental bullshit, Choosing who you want to become, and Owning your business and staying out of everyone else’s.
These may seem like common sense, but get really honest — how many people, including yourself, really truly practice (not try to practice! But PRACTICE..) these things. We need to be constantly practicing — remember it’s like keeping our houses clean — we need to be practicing these things on the daily in order to really make great change.
So if nothing else — please start here. This is the foundation, the mental mindset foundation, upon which we will build everything else on our lives.
And that is how you begin to hold your own, rule your life, be the boss of yourself and your experience, and be a badass for your life.
Ok thank you so much for listening! I hope you kickass this week, and don’t be afraid to apply these four things. I will talk to you next week!