What do you get when you cross good-girl values with bad-girl mentality?
I was taught that the world was a scary place and that the best thing to do is to follow what is best known to be safe.
The oldest of three girls, I grew up in a little town in the middle of Oahu, Hawaii. My parents were loving and encouraged my creativity and book smarts, but they also tried to shelter me from anything that may lead me astray.
I had no cable TV, no movies rated past PG, no video games, no cool fashion, and as a result not many friends.
Stay here. Get a degree. Do what’s right. Get a secure career. Meet someone respectable. Stay safe.
That was the only way to do it.
But I wanted more. I dreamed of adventures beyond my lovely and familiar yet unchallenging island home. I yearned for all the “bad” things, just to experience a new side of life. I wanted to expand myself beyond the diligent unquestioning obedience that was expected of me.
But I didn’t know how to start.
During my moody and rebellious teens, I was frustrated that nothing I was learning in school was contributing towards my prowess in life. Nothing was teaching me about happiness and fulfillment and living life true to myself.
Then while going through community college I discovered philosophy courses. For the first time I was able to learn about different approaches to life itself, instead of just facts and figures.
But I always felt like something was missing.
At the same time, I was also admiring badass babes in action flicks — the ones who were living exciting and unconventional lives. The ones who could face danger, do wild things, and boldly navigate the world in both heels and combat boots.
I loved both Aristotle and Angelina. I wanted both sides in my life.
At this point I was a library-assistant/piano-teacher/grad-student by day, and a bartender/metal-head/party-animal by night. I worked on being a responsible citizen, and then would jump fences and push boundaries. I was polite, shy, and thoughtful, but also wild and rebellious.
Unsurprisingly, I felt like I was teetering between two lives, two personas, and two sets of friends who would never feel comfortable in the same room together.
I wanted the refined mindfulness of a beautifully curated life. I also wanted the slick fortitude, sense of adventure, and freedom of being able to live life on my terms and handle whatever exploded my way.
Then I decided: I’m going to figure out how to do both in a grown-up and balanced way. I’m going to dedicate my life to living the fullest, best life I can imagine for myself, while at the same time doing it in a way that feels exciting, empowering, and well, badass.
I began to meticulously create the kind of person I wanted to be, and the life I wanted to live.
When I realized that I had full control over who I chose to be, I felt like I had discovered the biggest secret of life.
During my three decades, I’ve taken myself through multiple stages of evolution.
I’ve leveled-up through my social anxiety and low self-worth, through anger and jealousy and no ambition, through abusive relationships on both sides, through excessive cheap belongings and a trashy lifestyle, through awful diet and health issues and full-body rashes, through depending on getting drunk every night, through all the “shoulds” and societal expectations, and through many dark nights of the soul feeling utterly lost.
It wasn’t always smooth, easy, and beautiful, but I’m forever dead set and excessively passionate about creating the change I wish to see in myself. To be able to help others do the same is an immense honor and one of my biggest and most fulfilling passions.
We create ourselves.
I believe that knowing and growing ourselves is a beautiful life-long practice and lifestyle.
It’s never about perfection; it’s about facing life with resilience, compassion, energy, love, and a creative spirit.
For the extra-inquisitive:
Here’s the dirt.
I currently live in Hollywood, CA., which was previously one of the last places I’d thought I’d want to live. I’ve been here for 5 years and I really like it!
I have a Bachelor’s degree in Philosophy and a Master’s in Information Science. I graduated from Master Coach Brooke Castillo’s Life Coach School in 2014.
I have an amazing man in my life who constantly inspires me to level-up by simply being who he is.
I am a Libra (Leo rising), an INFJ, and a fierce introvert who enjoys the extroverted life in short but glorious bursts.
My #1 favorite band is Rammstein, but you’ll usually find me listening to all kinds of rock, dance music, and chill-out.
I’ve been a band geek, a piano teacher, a building attendant, a bartender and waitress extraordinaire, web & graphic designer, librarian assistant, and crazy party animal.
I know the majority of Cats, Phantom, and Les Miserables by heart.
I think birds are great, especially pigeons, doves, and chickens. Incidentally my first favorite animal were dinosaurs.
I love traveling and have a thing for trains.
My fantasy panel of mentors is Gandalf, Jimi Hendrix, Guinen, Capt. Picard, Bjork, and the Dalai Lama.
I have the humor of a 6 year old boy.
We’ll leave it at that for now!